Only very few of my close friends know of my relationship with Nino… but I feel like I should by this time open up about it (and give him justice.)
Nino came at the right time in my life. Corny man but “How Did You Know” is one of our songs. We easily hit it off. Simple walks turn to unforgettable moments. He’s not really my type, that is if I would compare him to the previous ones I’ve had…but he’s quite a looker, in fairness lng and may breeding hehe. And he has very endearing qualities – funny, full of surprises, smart, just to name a few.
Our relationship was not always sunshiney…we also had gloomy days and sometimes we fight like cats and dogs. Oftentimes his moodiness gets in the way. One moment he’s sweet and playful and then suddenly he would just play deaf and mute. He can be very expressive but he can also be as indifferent as a poste. During these moments I would just let him be. But in my mind I would come up with different reasons like maybe I did something wrong or maybe he’s not feeling well or maybe he just had a bad day out there.
But even if he’s some kind of “abno” I love him just the same. I also know that he loves me, because he makes me feel special. No one has ever shown me love like he did. Well, I don’t intend to write every detail of that here… but I guess I just want to relive his memory and our happy days together… I miss Nino so much. I miss him more than ever because I am often alone and surrounded by silence… but what can I do? I had already given him up… not because I want to…but because I had to. I did it before things get out of hand and before we start hurting and inflicting wounds on each other. How my heart was breaking to see him go… I was crying and so was he… and that hurts me more – to see him crying.
After that day, almost a year now have passed, I never saw him again. Yes, I’ve moved on with my life, in fact I’ve also moved into a new place… but I don’t think I will ever find another Nino in my life again…and even if I would, Nino will be irreplaceable.
P.S. Pina- pick-up ko sa city dog pound c Nino kc kinagat nya c Dave…
ako rin muntik nya nang kagatin…huhuhu… dba painful yun? Tama lng nman yung ginawa ko dba? hehehe… I miss you Nino!!!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
choices...choices
Finally I was able to see Spiderman 3! I love Spiderman!...maybe because for the past two episodes Peter Parker has been dealing with discernment issues that I too was going through. The last time he was torn between embracing his identity, his mission as Spiderman and his own personal happiness, to be with Mary Jane…Discernment can be mentally and emotionally excruciating especially when you are choosing between two good things. Fulfilling one’s mission is everybody’s calling, and so is pursuing one’s own happiness and loving and being loved…but then if we are made to choose between the two, our choice will ultimately be determined by what we value most in life.
Spiderman 3 is also about choices but this time it’s between good and evil. They say there is no need for discernment here because it is imperative that we choose what is good… That is if we easily “detect” what is evil from what is good. Most of the time the evil deceives us in subtle ways, presenting itself behind a mask of seemingly good and noble intentions… “like sheep in wolves’ clothing.” In the movie, Peter is faced with a tough opponent, Sandman, who they found out later was his Uncle Ben’s killer. Spiderman got a beating from Sandman, yes, he was strong and he was a threat to the people of New York. And so Peter decided to put on his new black suit which, as he discovered, gave him more strength and speed however makes him irascible too. True, he needed the extra power to fight Sandman who was a “bad man” but what his heart was shouting was vengeance for his Uncle Ben. But when Peter decided to put on the black suit it was not without thought; that is why the scene where he was choosing which of the two chests he would open is significant. We always have a choice.
The choice that Peter made would later take an influence on his succeeding choices – the choice to humiliate this photo-journalist Eddie and to antagonize him further by dating his girl, the choice to scorn MJ in the jazz bar, the choice to be viciously brutal in with Harry with his words (“he despised you…you were an embarrassment to him.”) and their physical combat which left Harry’s face disfigured. Well, it is easy to justify Peter’s choices when we look at how he was “wounded” by these people, nonetheless, he had a choice what to do with his anger. I like the scenes when he would stop every time he does those nasty things and put his hand on his chest and touch his black suit. It shows that he was conscious of what he was doing, perhaps something inside him just doesn’t feel right when he’s being bad. That is our conscience. The good thing is when he realized the consequences of his previous choices, he chose to change course, he chose to do what was good and what was “right.” Same thing goes for Sandman and Harry. [And perhaps MJ too, I guess. Well, she could have chosen not to forgive Peter but she chose to stuck it out with him, out of love. (of course can’t be w/o the kilig part hehe).] It’s not easy to break off with our bad side though, especially when it has already taken root in us. Just like Eddie, he chose to stay bad…”I like being bad. It makes me happy” he said. But one thing is for sure, we are always given the grace to have a choice, a hope, and the capacity to transcend beyond our present circumstances…if we only allow it even just a tiny bit of chance to speak. If only we get to listen to that still small voice deep down in our heart everytime we make a choice.
Truly, “the greatest battle lies within.” The ending lines of Peter are just perfect to end this blog: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what’s right.”
Spiderman 3 is also about choices but this time it’s between good and evil. They say there is no need for discernment here because it is imperative that we choose what is good… That is if we easily “detect” what is evil from what is good. Most of the time the evil deceives us in subtle ways, presenting itself behind a mask of seemingly good and noble intentions… “like sheep in wolves’ clothing.” In the movie, Peter is faced with a tough opponent, Sandman, who they found out later was his Uncle Ben’s killer. Spiderman got a beating from Sandman, yes, he was strong and he was a threat to the people of New York. And so Peter decided to put on his new black suit which, as he discovered, gave him more strength and speed however makes him irascible too. True, he needed the extra power to fight Sandman who was a “bad man” but what his heart was shouting was vengeance for his Uncle Ben. But when Peter decided to put on the black suit it was not without thought; that is why the scene where he was choosing which of the two chests he would open is significant. We always have a choice.
The choice that Peter made would later take an influence on his succeeding choices – the choice to humiliate this photo-journalist Eddie and to antagonize him further by dating his girl, the choice to scorn MJ in the jazz bar, the choice to be viciously brutal in with Harry with his words (“he despised you…you were an embarrassment to him.”) and their physical combat which left Harry’s face disfigured. Well, it is easy to justify Peter’s choices when we look at how he was “wounded” by these people, nonetheless, he had a choice what to do with his anger. I like the scenes when he would stop every time he does those nasty things and put his hand on his chest and touch his black suit. It shows that he was conscious of what he was doing, perhaps something inside him just doesn’t feel right when he’s being bad. That is our conscience. The good thing is when he realized the consequences of his previous choices, he chose to change course, he chose to do what was good and what was “right.” Same thing goes for Sandman and Harry. [And perhaps MJ too, I guess. Well, she could have chosen not to forgive Peter but she chose to stuck it out with him, out of love. (of course can’t be w/o the kilig part hehe).] It’s not easy to break off with our bad side though, especially when it has already taken root in us. Just like Eddie, he chose to stay bad…”I like being bad. It makes me happy” he said. But one thing is for sure, we are always given the grace to have a choice, a hope, and the capacity to transcend beyond our present circumstances…if we only allow it even just a tiny bit of chance to speak. If only we get to listen to that still small voice deep down in our heart everytime we make a choice.
Truly, “the greatest battle lies within.” The ending lines of Peter are just perfect to end this blog: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what’s right.”
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