Timing

I was practicing my guitar strumming the other night, keeping in mind what a well-meaning passerby in the classroom earlier told me, that if I know how to dance strumming would come easier for me because it’s all about timing… Timing, timing, timing…

I do dance but why isn’t this easy for me, I was already getting frustrated. As I lay in bed I continued to be bothered by my strumming. I tried to conduct with my hands while singing… 4/4… 3/4... and I just suddenly remembered my elementary years.

In my school back then, students are the ones who lead in the flag ceremony. There is always someone asked to “beat,” to be the conductor. I realized that I was never asked to beat nor did I volunteer for it… precisely because I hardly attended the flag ceremony! Now that’s a different kind of timing I thought.

Yes, I was notorious for being always late for school. Shame on me talaga! My motto then was “Better late than never” hahaha! Seriously, I was always being called by the Guidance Counselor. Well, expectedly, I did get suspended for repeated tardiness. Honestly, I’m still thinking why it was so hard to break the habit. Where could it be coming from? Apart from over-sleeping I feel like there’s something deeper in my unconscious. Being in formation where discernment is, and should be, a way of life I have learned to ask: Where is this coming from?

Anyway, I carried on the reputation until college. I had this one professor whom I kidded that I lived far from the city and had to commute to school for more than an hour that was why I was always late for my 7:40am class with him. I never thought he took me seriously. One day after class he asked me if I really lived far from the city because he saw me waiting for a ride along the highway near our house which was actually just a few minutes from the university. Apparently he had checked my address from the department’s files. Hahaha! Mabuti nalang friends kami kaya hindi ako dinebar!

Another professor, on our last meeting for the semester, told the whole class “Ok, we’ll wait for Ms. Oñate to lead the closing prayer.” Well, kwento na lang ‘to ng classmate ko kasi I didn’t show up that day…why?...because I was so late I decided not to go in. Am I not pathetic? But had I known my professor waited for me I would have gone in even for the closing prayer… Hahaha! Kapal tlga!

Even if I laugh about my “misconduct,” I feel guilty about it (promise!). I struggled so much to get out of it, you know it’s that kind of thing you promise to change as the clock strikes 12 and a new year comes. For years I did that, frustratingly to no avail. Surprisingly though, as I got more in touch with myself I discovered that there are certain activities or circumstances that gets me up right on time, even early, always. Like how I was never late for mass, except for unforeseen delays. So being late was truly a choice I was making subconsciously. And having known that I knew I had a choice what to do about it.

Change of course is not possible without God’s grace. As I continued to pray about my “malady” I noticed that I was gaining progress. In fairness from 15 down to 2 minutes na lang haha! Seriously, I have somehow learned timing, time-management and honoring the time of others as I continue to struggle. I may be a slow-learner in this aspect but I know God will see me through.

Now I need to learn strumming.